The Starters in Life

e3cb72f92cbee1503db9a8cac27cb6abI recently read an article on Thought Catalog written by Danielle Page and her experience on being a starter girlfriend. After reading the article and relating a little too much, I realized that I share something in common with Page: I am also a “starter girlfriend”. But before you stop reading and assume this is a rant directed toward the “evils of men”, listen to why being a starter girlfriend will (hopefully) turn out for the better.
Yes, I am the starter girlfriend. I will root for him and tell him that he can do anything if he puts his mind to it. And he will listen because every word out of my mouth is heartfelt and true. And he will succeed. Hell, I once got a text from an old boyfriend admitting if I had not supported him through his course work, encouraged him to stay in the class when all wanted to do was drop out, he would not be where he is in life. But that didn’t stop him from leaving.
As the starter girlfriend, I will pick up the broken pieces of his shattered heart that his old relationship caused him, and show him that it’s okay to trust someone. Eventually, he’ll believe me. He’ll tell me his secrets, his fears, and he will confide in me and I’ll do the same. He will learn to trust again, but my trust will ultimately be broken by him.
Because I’m a starter girlfriend, I’m patient and understanding, but I’m also starting to get tired of being left. I don’t understand how when you give so much of yourself to someone, and try so hard to make things work, that they only fall apart. It scares me and makes me doubt myself and if I’m worth it.
But there is some guy out there who is referred to as the “starter boyfriend”.
As the starter boyfriend, he always puts his girlfriend before himself. He thinks of how his girlfriend would feel if he flirted with another girl, even if “all of his friends were doing it”. But his girlfriend won’t care. She will still accuse him of cheating and refuse to listen to his side of the story. He may trust her, but she does not trust him. Unlike her, this boyfriend would never accuse someone of such a horrible offense without solid proof.
The starter boyfriend will tell his girlfriend she is beautiful, even when she wears his old t-shirt and has second-day-makeup because she fell asleep before washing her face. She might be embarrassed to look like that around him, but he will not care. He will expect her to have bad, moody days and give her space when she needs it. He will expect the same curtesy, but she may not oblige. Instead, she will nag and demand attention which will only lead to a fight he wanted to avoid. He will introduce her to his family and know they will love her because she is special to him. She won’t understand the importance.
The starter boyfriend will spend time with his girlfriend because he wants to, not just because he wants to have sex. He values the time they spend together. He will mean it when he tells his girlfriend he loves her. He will not throw these words around and use it for just anyone. This is something special to him and maybe she will say it back. Maybe she even means it for that moment and quite a few to follow. But those words will be turned to nothing when she breaks up with him. He will be left broken and once again wondering when someone will give him a true chance.
Out there, somewhere is this twisted and crazy world, there is a boy wondering the same things I am: Why am I not good enough? Why am I always, always, always the second choice? But then we will find each other. And maybe we’ll even be a little guarded at first, expecting the other to leave, but it won’t happen. It won’t happen because we both put effort into relationships and we will fight to make it work. And say it doesn’t. At least we will both know it wasn’t because either of us did not try; instead we will understand some people are just not meant for each other. He will hurt and I will hurt and then we will be move on and with the knowledge that we are good enough and we are first choices. He won’t always be a “starter boyfriend” and I sure as hell won’t always be a “starter girlfriend”.

Danielle Page: http://thoughtcatalog.com/danielle-page/2014/12/haveyoufeltthisway/

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Thoughts

One response to “The Starters in Life

  1. Anonymous

    you’re an inspiration, thank you<3

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s