Shattered Dreams

You’ve had your life planned out since you were ten. You knew the classes you would need to take in high school to get into a good college. You knew the names of your future children and the type of man you’d marry. You had an idea of where you wanted to live, what you wanted your house to look like, what type of lifestyle you would live. You’ve even known what kind of career you’d want. Yes, other children’s choices would change—one day Sally would want to be a doctor, the next a veterinarian. But you, you’ve always wanted to be a teacher. It’s always been your dream.

So you follow your plan to the best of your ability. High school is a swarm of AP and honor classes because you need to get into that college with the outstanding reputation for the program of your choice. Your social life is lacking a little, but that’s okay. You tell yourself you will go have fun in college, branch out more and party a little. This right here is too important, you must succeed. And you do. You go to a good college and

I’ve had my life planned out since I was ten. Even at that age I understood how important it was to go to a good college, so therefore I realized high school was important. I know what kind of man I want to marry and, thanks to Pinterest, I have an idea of what my wedding will look life. I’ve picked out the names for my future children, know what kind of house I want to live in, and what type of lifestyle I will have. I’ve also always wanted to be a teacher. It’s always been my dream career and I’ve centered a lot of life on that goal.

So I followed my plan to the best of my ability. High school was a swarm of AP and honor classes because I needed to get into a good college with an outstanding teaching program. I succeeded: I graduated with honors and was accepted into the education program at the college I chose.

In college I’ve done everything right. I choose studying instead of partying and as a result my GPA is high, even freshmen year when so many of my peers struggled. I thrive at school and have been on honor roll since I started college. I take summer classes to make sure I stay on track in my credits and now I’m even graduating early.

But I’m not graduating early by choice. I have to leave college early because I can no longer be in their education program—I can’t pass my teacher tests, my MTELs. I am struggling with these tests that were not created by real teacher, but a company whose employees have never stepped inside of a classroom. I can’t pass test that I study my butt off for. I can’t pass.

My dream of becoming a teacher is coming to an end.

I won’t be able to teach a classroom of students because, in my state’s eyes, I am not good enough. They have judged me through a standardized test and determined I will not be a good teacher. They have never seen me work with a child, encourage students when they do not understand material, nor have they seen how much children love me. There are people who can receive a perfect score on these tests, and you know what? that is not a guarantee they will be an amazing teacher. If you cannot connect with a child you are not a good teacher. But that means nothing. Every teacher I have ever observed tells me I will be an amazing teacher and a principal has even offered to write me a recommendation when I get out of college. That’s how confident she is in me.

But I can’t pass these tests and apparently that determines what a good teacher is.

My dream of becoming a teacher is coming to an end because, even though I followed my blue print, I am not good enough. I am a failure in my state’s eyes. In fact, I am a failure in my own eyes. I am broken, scared, angry, embarrassed, and indescribably sad.

I also never thought I’d say I’m a failure, but here I am writing a post about it.

I guess plans can’t always work out, but I never thought mine would be the one to completely shatter.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Shattered Dreams

  1. Anonymous

    I hate the way you’re accepting defeat like this. You seem too ambitious and too determined to just lay down. Take the MTEL’s 100 times if you have to. Your life is not over. FIGHT! Show those jackass test-makers who’s boss.

    Like

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