Category Archives: Life

A Letter to the One Who Got Away

I bet you don’t think about the moment I broke your heart nearly as much as I do, but I know you haven’t forgotten about it. Even though it’s been years—four to be exact, I never had the chance to explain to you why I said “no” when you asked me out. So I’m taking the chance to explain now.

I’ll start from the beginning because our history is important to our story. We have been friends since we were children. Once I asked you what your first memory was and you texted, “holding your hand” and I smiled at the screen on my phone. Our families have been friends since then, too; our mothers go out to dinner once a month to keep in touch, and our sisters are best friends.

We had been texting for months those four years ago and I waited, I want you to know that I did wait, for you to mention something about a date. But nothing ever came. You never made a move and I was shy. I wasn’t sure you liked me and eventually convinced myself it was impossible. I thought I was friend-zoned. But we still texted and when you asked me to hangout, I truly thought we were just buddies. I came over and you had a few friends with you, proof that we were just friends. But later that night I realized you liked me, that was when it clicked for me. It honestly took me by surprise.

As the night went on, I tried to keep my distance from you and prayed you would not make a move on me. But you did. I want you to know it broke my heart when I told you no, to see you hurt, to see our friendship breaking in front of my eyes. The moment you expressed your feelings to me, I thought that maybe I could, maybe I could give this a try. But I am a practical person and you tend to go with what your heart tells you. All the different factors started to swarm my mind and I realized the difficulties that would ultimately break us: our families, our sisters, our friendship, my work and your sport’s schedule. It was clear to me that we would never see each other and that this spark in front of me would die before it had the chance to burn. It simply did not make sense. So I said no. And I went home and cried.However, I told myself and you, too, that when we were older we could try this possible romance out.

Yet we stopped talking. Completely. You did not talk to me for two years, two fucking years, and I am still angry with you for that. There were times that I needed you and you were not there. You had no excuse and still have no excuse for it because you were fully aware of how my crumbling life. After all, our families are close, our sisters are friends, and you and I were once best friends. Maybe I should have reached out, but I was so sure you hated me and I did not want a confirmation.

So out of the blue, two years later, I got a message from you asking me if we could catch up. We started to talk more and more, purely on a friendship basis. It made me happy because you were in my life again and I missed you. We hung out when we could and for a moment I thought I saw something developing, but that made me distance myself from you instead of bring me closer. Once again I told myself that when we were older and out of college, once we had our lives somewhat put together, we could try this. So I decided this plan by myself because I’m practical, a planner, and you are the one with the big heart. I was selfish and never asked you what you thought of the blueprint I saw for our future. I am sorry about that. I need you to understand that I was scared about what you would say, frightened you would laugh at the idea, but even more, I was petrified you would look me in the eyes and say “okay”. I am still scared.

Summer ended and we both went back to school. I expected our friendship to be a lot like it was the year before: talking on the phone, texting a lot; but it wasn’t, it still isn’t. We don’t talk. I don’t hear from you. I reach out and there is no response. It reminds me of when we were sixteen, except this time I am not sure what I did wrong, if I did anything wrong. I’ve learned you have a girlfriend and I wonder if this influences your decision on not reaching out. I wonder what you told her about me—if you told her about me, and what her opinion is.

This silence between us is breaking me. So I am starting to resent you. In fact, I’m pissed. I cannot believe you are letting the past repeat itself. This time the silence is not caused by me, not my screw up, this time it’s on you. You have nothing to pin on me. And honestly, I don’t care about your reasons, not two flying fucks.

You’ve never asked for an explanation on that night so I’ve never given you one and I am too much of a coward to bring the topic up myself. You probably never will ask for a reason. I don’t know how I feel about that. One part of me yearns to discuss it with you, to make you understand. You probably will never read this letter, but by chance you do, I hope this gives you some sort of insight to my madness. Maybe if you read this you’ll even call me again so we can talk about it.

But until then, fuck you.


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31 New Years Resolutions You Should Try

new years

  1. Be less judgmental. Why should you care if your roommate makes the terrible mistake of partying until 3 A.M. when they have a test the next morning? It does not affect you.
  2. Stop procrastinating. The “I work well under pressure” excuse is soo 2014. Have you even tried getting ahead in your work? You may surprise yourself with the success you’ll experience when you do not wait until the last minute to complete things. Like when there’s and English essay due….
  3. Go to bed at a regular time. This may sound childish, but your body will love you. Just remember, the bags under your eyes from that all-nighter you pulled (probably due to procrastinating) are not sexy.
  4. Stop dwelling on the past. You. Cannot. Change. It. You’re not in the eighties, you are not a star in Back to the Future, and I doubt you have access to Dr. Emmett Brown’s time machine. Anyways, Marty almost ruined his whole life by meddling with the past.
  5. Let “him” or “her” go. It may be hard, but the relief you’ll feel is so worth it.
  6. Make the first move! Ask and you shall receive.
  7. Read a really good book. There are so many choices, like To Kill a Mockingbird, The Hunger Games, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Ender’s Game, Harry Potter and those are only a few.
  8. Be grateful for what you have because there are many who are not as lucky as you.
  9. Volunteer. Giving to those who have less leaves you with a great feeling.
  10. Be healthier. This does not necessarily mean you have to go to the gym; there are other options available that will keep you healthy, like when you…
  11. Give up fast food. It’s greasy, it’s gross, and it’s just unnatural.
  12. Don’t drink soda.
  13. Stop stressing.
  14. Do meditate. A healthy mind equals a healthy body.
  15. Smile more.
  16. Compliment a stranger. It may make their day.
  17. Work on that road range. Riding the person’s ass who cut you off does nothing except cause a break check and may lead to a car accident.
  18. Go on a ski trip. Don’t know how to ski? Take a lesson. Live someplace that doesn’t have the privilege of receiving blizzards? Time to take a road trip!
  19. Travel more often because you’re only young once. See the world.
  20. Spend time with your family. “Family Game Night” may not sound like a lot of fun right now, but you’ll be happy for the memories when you’re older.
  21. Tell your mother and father you love and appreciate them. They would do anything for you and it’s important to let them know this means the world to you.
  22. Cry. It’s healthy and always being strong is so tiring
  23. Stop making excuses. If you screwed up, apologize.
  24. Forgive yourself and those around you for past mistakes. Humans are not perfect and grudges only cause wrinkles.
  25. Get rid of your fake friends. Yes, you should forgive them for their past wrongs, but this does not mean you should continue to spend time with them.
  26. Don’t let others’ opinions affect the view you have on yourself. Who cares if the girl sitting across from the bar doesn’t like your outfit, when will you ever see her again?
  27. Love yourself and don’t try to change who you are. You are you and you must be happy with that.
  28. Be kind. The world could use a little more of this.
  29. Take chances. It’ll be worth it.
  30. Take pictures, you’ll want to remember every moment and memory later in life.
  31. Embrace the New Year and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. This is your year!

What are your resolutions for 2015?

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